First love no matter what the age is like watching that beautiful rose open in slow motion in an early dawn. Each petal of emotion flows ever so slowly wrapping around you making you feel warm, secure and wanted. I was fourteen, and believed in total first love with Roy. My best friend’s brother, He was nineteen. So needless to say what would a glorious perfect specimen of male jock want with a skinny, nappy headed, kid who hung out with his little sister. I don’t think to this day that he really knew that I had a very big love crush on for him. At the time, I was so new to these feelings that all I could do was try to be in his presence and allow the feelings of love flow around me so inviting. I encouraged his sister to take me to his hockey games at the local rink. There I would just follow him around the ice with my eyes watching every ripple of movement. I would cringe when he got banged into the sides and day dreamed that he would look up and smile at me with the promise of a first kiss and hug that would last forever. Oh to sit on the sidelines knowing he was so close but so far away and in reality terrified that should he ever realize my infatuation laugh at how ridiculous and worse still have that inside joke with his friends and never, ever return the feelings. This first love was not something planned it was just a glance and quick moment encounter across a dinner table at my friend’s house one day and I was caught off guard with my heart hanging open and desperate enough to allow myself to think it just might happen and seek love out. Silly me… after about three months of tagging along and putting myself in his line of sight, I was always just his sisters little friend and in the end he moved away with his older girlfriend and I cried myself to sleep that night and for many others after until the hurt moved on to make room for another love encounter yet to come. First love… painful but an awakening.
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Stage Two – Chemotherapy
Time is shortening. But every day that I challenge this cancer and survive is a victory for me. Ingrid Bergman
I have now had my five radiation treatments since that unexpected day four weeks ago at Northumberland Hills Hospital where the discovery of the cancer cells in my neck brought me literally to a neck brace and bed. I survived the treatment with minimal side effects a couple of weeks of very raw sore throat, a few lesions in my mouth and a few sore teeth and tired. But, following the maintenance protocols, eating and getting rest when needed has certainly helped. The hardest adjustment has been not being able to drive and having to rely on others to get me to appointments or shop. But, I do not complain because I am so fortunate to have the support of my family and friends that have driven these past few weeks. I just pretend I’m Miss Daisy, in “Driving Miss Daisy” one of my favourite movies.
One of my drivers has been my daughter she’s home for her graduation and reading week. It gave us a wonderful opportunity to spend real quality time and I know I drove her crazy about her driving, but the truth is she is just like her mom and likes to drive fast and is a good driver and will become a very good driver with time. During our drives, she was able to acknowledge and thank me for all the driving over the years, taking her to music, friends, and school. I loved it.
Now I get ready for the next stage of this fight which is the chemotherapy. As I’ve mentioned previously having received chemotherapy over 35 years ago, I still have very strong negative feelings about this treatment. Back then all I had to do was walk into the hospital smell alcohol and I would start to throw up. They were shooting massive doses of chemo directly into my veins without the refined knowledge of the science behind chemo that they do today. So, I must admit my mental health strength is going to be tested over the next few months but I am ready. As with every other health fight this past six years I am my own miracle and against all odds I am a survivor. So, I’m putting on my amour and preparing to do battle and will go forth with love, support and strength of all those around me and kick some serious cancer butt.
You can be a victim of cancer, or a survivor of cancer. It’s a mindset.
Dave Pelzer