First love no matter what the age is like watching that beautiful rose open in slow motion in an early dawn.  Each petal of emotion flows ever so slowly wrapping around you making you feel warm, secure and wanted.  I was fourteen, and believed in total first love with Roy.  My best friend’s brother, He was nineteen.  So needless to say what would a glorious perfect specimen of male jock want with a skinny, nappy headed, kid who hung out with his little sister.  I don’t think to this day that he really knew that I had a very big love crush on for him.  At the time, I was so new to these feelings that all I could do was try to be in his presence and allow the feelings of love flow around me so inviting.  I encouraged his sister to take me to his hockey games at the local rink.  There I would just follow him around the ice with my eyes watching every ripple of movement.  I would cringe when he got banged into the sides and day dreamed that he would look up and smile at me with the promise of a first kiss and hug that would last forever.   Oh to sit on the sidelines knowing he was so close but so far away and in reality terrified that should he ever realize my infatuation laugh at how ridiculous and worse still have that inside joke with his friends and never, ever return the feelings. This first love was not something planned it was just a glance and quick moment encounter across a dinner table at my friend’s house one day and I was caught off guard with my heart hanging open and desperate enough to allow myself to think it just might happen and seek love out.  Silly me… after about three months of tagging along and putting myself in his line of sight, I was always just his sisters little friend and in the end he moved away with his older girlfriend and I cried myself to sleep that night and for many others after until the hurt moved on to make room for another love encounter yet to come.  First love… painful but an awakening.