There are times when I’ve wondered how and why it is that in my early years as a young adult I attracted so many damaged individuals in my life and I realized that it was because I was so damaged myself and yet within that broken mind set, there was a self-preservation that kept pushing me into the light and survival with an instinct that would not allow me to go past destruct mode.  As I truly believe everything happens for a reason, I must also believe that those hurt individuals that I met throughout those years were put in my path for mutual benefit.  One such person was Adrian Chornowol who saved my life.

Adrian Chornowol grew up in Edmonton, Alberta a classical piano child prodigy.  When I met Adrian, I had been told I had only a year to live so I packed up my bags told my family I was going to do some traveling, jumped on a train and headed west to Edmonton to visit a girlfriend and my god daughter.  I was still dealing with the Hodgkin’s disease and all the prescription medication but was functional.  I got a job teaching and selling modelling programs at John Casablanca’s a top international modelling agency and quickly became their top agent and instructor.  One evening I decided to drop in at the Four Seasons Hotel to listen to some music and have a drink.  I heard this beautiful piano music coming from the lounge area and stopped to listen.  Sitting at the piano was this incredibly gorgeous man in a black tux running his fingers over the keys playing with hypnotic precision.  I couldn’t resist and sent him over a drink with my thanks for his music and then left to go down to the dance club.  Shortly, after he followed me down asked if he could join me.   We had a drink, a dance and planned for a date the next day.  Actually it turned out to be breakfast.  There was an immediate connection and within a short period of time I had moved in with him and his roommate Rich.

Adrian at the time had his gig as Musical director at the Four Seasons, Musical Director of the TV show Sun Country, his fusion band and produced an award winning album “Cowboyography” for Ian Tyson.  If that wasn’t enough, we then decided to open our Talent Agency and Modelling Agency “Chornolwol Music and Modelling Agency” rented space in downtown Edmonton and were very successful.  We actually were one of the first agencies to video tape bands to use as promotional tools.  We traveled to Hawaii twice, toured the mountains of British Columbia to Vancouver and when I got ill flew to New York.

On a more personal level Adrian was struggling with his sexuality and it definitely started to affect our relationship.  I just did not know how to help him other than to encourage him to get out there and try to find himself.  Meanwhile my health started to deteriorate and I ended up in the hospital with the possibility of more treatment.  Adrian did not believe that chemo or radiation was the way to go and before I knew what was happening I was being whisked off to New York, installed in a townhouse on Flatbush Avenue in Brooklyn during the hottest month of the summer.  Then the next day put on a train to Floral Park New York to see Dr. Cole.  How Adrian found this doctor I never knew but by the time I got to him I was pretty sick and had lost a lot of weight.  I was on multiple medications including heavy opiates.  The first thing Dr. Cole said to me was “so you think you are going to die” of which my response was “yes”.  He then said “well that is not going to happen, but you are going to get a lot sicker then you are now” He took all my drugs and gave me a bunch of vitamins, and list of foods I could eat.  Then set me up with the program at his clinic where I would arrive everyday get hooked up to an IV with Laetrile and DMSO for pain.  It was quite the experience sitting in these big chairs talking with the other patients about their experience most of it very positive.  But, Dr. Cole was right I got really sick and the reality was it was withdrawal from all the medications.   There were moments when I truly wanted to die for the pain of it all.  Adrian was there for me throughout it all, crying with me, holding me while I throw up, feeding me and carrying me to the clinic when I could hardly walk,  After a month and a half, I was finally a walking talking, functioning person again and it was time to go home.  We were to continue the treatment at home for a few more months.  Legally at the time, It was okay to the purchase the treatment and bring to Canada but it was not okay to administer.  So, Adrian and I flew back to New York so he could learn how to administer the treatment but, in the end our roommates mom who was a nurse administered for the duration.  After about 3 months, we flew back to Dr. Cole for a checkup and I was cleared.  On the way back I made an appointment with my Toronto oncologist Dr. G. Scott who ran a bunch of tests and basically said “he did not know what I had done, didn’t want to know but basically I was healthy and cured.”

For Adrian, it was proof that holistic treatments were an alternative to my cancer and he cared enough to pursue it no matter the cost.  It was also a diversion for him allowing him to stay away from dealing with his sexuality, but now with my crisis over it was time for him to try and figure out who he was and after a few months we both knew that he needed to go find himself and that our relationship could not go on as it was with him not knowing who he wanted to be.  So I prepared to return to Toronto and he to follow his journey knowing that we would always have a special connection and a relationship that went beyond the spiritual and physical.

I continue his story now with what I have learned through research and the internet.  Always searching  Adrian went to California, worked a cruise ship and continued to struggle for many years after we parted and eventually became Toby Dancer.  In 1998 as Toby Dancer addicted to heroin she wandered into Toronto’s  Parkdale Activity Recreation Centre, where she found a room. She sometimes played the piano, but needed coaxing. Zepheniah James, from Jamaica via New York, brother of the late Philip James of the Blues Busters, taught music at the Centre and slowly got Toby to play with him. They recorded two CDs. Toby also played music at the Emmanuel Howard Park United Church, and she was able to confide to the minister Cheri DiNovo, who was then a New Democrat Member of the Provincial Parliament and took a stand for the transgendered.   No other political party had the courage to stand with transgendered Ontarians at that time.  Tragically, Toby died alone at the age 51 of a drug overdose in 2004.

To continue Toby’s story you need to follow the Ontario Private Members bill introduced by Rev Dr. Cheri DiNovo in 2007 to add Gender Identity to the Ontario Human Rights Code known as Tobys Bill  in Toby Dancers memory. Cheri succeeded in getting Toby’s Act passed, which was an amendment to Bill 33, Ontario Humans Rights Code to include gender identity and gender expression, it is the first of its kind in North America. Finally becoming law in 2012.  Through this law Toby Dancers struggle is honoured.

I only found out about Toby Dancer in 2011 surfing the net trying to find Adrian and was so surprised and saddened.  As Adrian, he was my friend, confidant  and gave me life and I will always remember the wonderful times we had together in Edmonton and our travels.  In my mind’s eye I see him sitting at our baby grand running those beautiful hands across the keyboard at three in the morning, wrapping his arms around our big dog, sitting at the foyer at the Four Seasons grand piano and holding me during our train rides to Floral Park.   For the brief time together which included my family from Ontario we lived each day to its fullest.  Surrounded by music, love and laughter even in the emotional difficult times.  Toby now was and will always be special to me, remembered for her heart and passion and loved for who she was and what she gave to others even in her struggles.   She may have died alone but she was loved in her lifetime for her gift of music which she shared with us all.  I plan to make a trip to Toronto to the Emmanuel Howard Park United Church, where Toby Dancer is commemorated with a stained-glass window.  My thanks to Rev. Cheri DiNovo for ensuring that Toby Dancer had a voice and that she will always have place in the fight for equality.