Moving forward I knew that I needed to remove myself from the environment and family of my birth and that if I remained, I would cease to exist. So, at age fifteen I developed an exit strategy. I had been baby-sitting for the Momma Mabley family for several months. Momma Mabley (not her real name) has definite views on computer privacy. Now in her 70s she does not believe in any form of internet exposure. So, to protect her privacy and with the respect and love I continue this piece with the name we used as young teens “Momma Mabley” a name captured from a wonderful comedian Loretta Mary Aiken from the 50s who’s stage name was, Jackie Mabley, and in the 1970s, becoming known as “Moms” because she was a “Mom” to many other comedians in the 1950s and 1960s. She came out as a lesbian at the age of twenty-seven, becoming one of the first triple-X rated comedians on the comedy circuit. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Moms_Mabley
Mom’s family lived in the apartment building adjacent to our townhouse. I don’t quite remember how I came in contact initially, but at a time when I needed a job they offered to pay me for looking after the four children, Martin, Tony, Twila and Bobbie all under the age of 10. John Smith, was Momma Mabley’s partner an educated IBM employee. Mom originally from Nova Scotia believed in a strong family and she was the heart and soul of this family. She was tough, and firm when making all decisions regarding those in her world. To my eyes viewing this family from the outside in was an… ah ha moment. This family had love, caring and absolutely no violence that I could see on the surface. It allowed me to believe that families could exist in a normal world free from abuse and violence and I got a glimpse of how a normal family would interact with each other. Momma Mabley took me under her wing and provided me with a safe haven away from my violent and destructive home for even just a few hours in a week. So, I loved my times of babysitting. I cherished the normalcy.
My father was not happy with me being in someone else’s home I’m sure it was because he was worried that I might tell and I do believe he was intimated by Momma Mabley. She was a very strong personality and not afraid to get into someone’s face, if she felt her children or her world was threatened her reactions were swift and decisive and she was well aware of my father’s tendency towards violence. One evening while I was sitting he came to the door in a drunken stupor and dragged me out leaving the kids alone. I was horrified, and didn’t know what to do or how to explain this embarrassing situation. Fortunately, Momma Mabley and John arrived home early having been told about the situation. I vaguely remember a confirmation between my father, Momma Mabley and John over this and I wasn’t allowed to babysit for them for some time.
Mom’s family moved away to Scarborough and when that move happened I knew, I had to move too. So, just before my sixteen birthday, I contacted them and went to visit and told them my story [off which, they knew most] and asked if it would be possible for me come live with them. Momma Mabley and John, took only a brief moment to discuss and come back to me with a positive yes and over the next few weeks my escape plan was implemented. The actual day of my leaving was so traumatic for my siblings I would be leaving behind. As much as, I wanted to stay for them I knew I could not, this was about my survival and at the time, I thought that if I can get out maybe I’ll be able to help them someday. As for my father, at sixteen, his power and control over me ended and my new life began.
You would think that the transition out of Regent Park would have been easy, but it was not. I grew up for sixteen years with no social skills, running wild, escaping out of the house whenever I felt like it and basically had no rules. So, to be brought into the fold of the Mom’s family with sit down dinners, curfews, and oh my … clean hygiene I was out of my depth. I remember Moms dropping of body care products in my room and later explaining how I needed to take care of myself and shower every day. That was most embarrassing. The rules, I felt like I was smothering under them. home after school, dinner at the table, eat with the proper utensils, help with dinner preparations, and clean up after dinner. Handle my own wash and of course I was now the live-in babysitter who looked after the kids after school until parents arrived home from work. Yes, for me it was difficult, stressful and I rebelled by leaving and going out on my own, staying away for months and then returning when things got tough [which it always did] .
No matter how many times I left, I was always welcomed back with open arms and a little lost pride. It took me many years to learn that this family loved me and I was one of it owns. They acknowledged me for who I was unconditionally along with another foster sister Kathy and Mom’s had the capacity to wrap her world around each one of us wayward children and bring us into the fold and never gave up on us.
Today, this family of eight children, two of us fosters under the guidance of Momma Mabley have each grown into respectable adults with families of our own. Mom’s extraordinary family has expanded to include nine grandchildren and four great grandchildren. Our best times as a family are when we all get together to celebrate the traditions of our society like Thanksgiving this weekend which for us is a major family affair. Complete with good food, lots of children, friends and love. For me being wrapped up in all this warmth throughout the years helped me grow and become the person I am today. Love from Momma Mabley, from my adopted siblings and of life moved me forward and propelled me into being a part of life normal and I will forever be grateful for the home and sense of strong family tie. It was not the family I was born into but, it is the family I chose to belong too.
Happy Thanksgiving